A few words about this piece; this is, without a doubt, my favorite article. I have won several awards for it, and it really reflects my voice and writing skills.
Carlmont
is in trouble. There is an invisible menace lurking within our walls.
It draws unsuspecting students in with promises of fun and games, and
ensnares them in a bottomless pool of addiction.
It infects anyone and everyone without mercy, and does not discriminate between students or teachers.
It can hide itself anywhere. In fact, it’s probably lurking in your pocket right now.
I speak, of course, about the iPhone and Android app, Words With Friends.
On the surface, Words With Friends seems like just another harmless
app. You hear about it from a friend, you download the free version
(because who wants to pay 99 cents for virtual Scrabble?), and you don’t
give it a second thought. You grow to enjoy playing WWF, and are
grateful for buying it.
But soon, the fun ends. Before you know it, you’re playing countless
games at a time. You buy a dictionary, just to check if there are indeed
any words consisting of only consonants. Every five minutes, you
refresh the page, in the vain hope someone has already played back.
Your entire life begins to revolve around those little yellow tiles,
and any conversation not involving the phrase “triple word score” bores
you. Your friends and family soon see the uselessness of trying to
converse with you, as you only say things like. “Ooh, ‘weather’. That’s
worth like, ten points.” or “Do you think ‘JUXWAZPATION’ is a word?”
Soon, you are at risk of infecting others. Words With Friends
Addiction (WWFA) is an airborne disease, and can be spread by such
simple activities as saying to a friend, “Hey, You should play Words
With Friends.”
Thus the cycle continues. An unbroken circle of addiction, that if
left untreated, will consume Carlmont in no time at all. Sad as it is,
more and more students are falling victim to WWFA every day.
Sophomore Ryan Yen admitted to be extremely addicted. “I play WWF
every day, but I only realized I was addicted when I noticed I had 20
games going at once.” He went on to say, “Everyone I know plays. A
friend introduced me to it. I think it’s fun.”
Even the administration is not safe from this debilitating illness.
When asked if he was considering quarantining the school, Vice Principal
Robert Fishtrom responded, “I think WWF is a good educational outlet
for students. Since some teachers also play, it’s a good way for them to
connect with the kids they teach. However, playing it shouldn't
interfere with the Electronic Policy. Students are not allowed to use
any electronic devices during school hours”
Fishtrom concluded by insisting, “I don’t have a problem.” He then glanced surreptitiously at the iPhone on his desk.
Is this the future of Carlmont? Are our hallowed halls destined to be
roamed by zombified kids with their noses shoved so far into their
phones they can’t see where they’re going?
No. I hereby implore the remaining addiction-free Carlmont students
to do their part in stopping WWF from taking over our school. We must
make it our mission to help the poor souls who are having their lives
ruined by this malevolent app.
Addicts, or “scrabblers” as they’ve come to be called, are easy to
spot. They spend every free moment they have playing WWF. Their eyes are
blurry from staring at a small screen from hours on end, and they often
voice the complaint “Man, my letters suck this round!”
In extreme cases, they may turn in homework assignments with all of the letters boxed, or even intersecting each other.
Approach scrabblers with caution. Though they may appear harmless, if
angered, they’ve been known to hurl iPhones or Droids at people’s
heads.
The only known cure to WWFA is to quit cold-turkey. Convince them to
stop using their phone, at least for a day. However, there are
techniques that can help with symptoms, such as going on a walk or
taking a nap.
If we work together, we can prevent WWFA from becoming an epidemic. I know we can do it.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go play Words With- I MEAN DO MY HOMEWORK. Yeah. Homework is what I meant.
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