Since the dawn of man, language has played a dominant role in the very fabric of our society. It started with one caveman uttering a fateful “ug.” Whether he was asking for a piece of food, commenting on the weather or simply emitting an extremely irregular belch, that “ug” changed the future of the human race. Soon, all of his caveman buddies began using “ug” to express various needs or concerns. Then, the “ug” evolved into “ooga ug”, which soon evolved into “eega ooga ug”. You get the picture. Eventually, it would occur to a few human beings that language should evolve beyond guttural noises like that of the common gorilla. Thus, the evolution of language advanced once again. Over many years language developed even further. During the height of Ancient Rome, Greek and Latin became the stepping stones for hundreds of different languages, including the one that most of us speak on a daily basis. Klingon. Nah, I’m just kidding. English. Then, during the time of Shakespeare, someone decided all the English words were too short, and decided to add “-eth” and “thy” and “doth” onto them. Like little word tumors. Thankfully, these literary hemorrhoids soon fell to the wayside as English progressed further. In fact, mankind began doing to opposite of their renaissance counterparts; they began shortening words. This practice is one we all know and love: slang. During the roaring twenties, slang really began to take off, and teens began using it full force. No longer did you have to tell your friend that her new glasses are great. Now you can tell her, “Golly-gee, Doreen! Your new cheaters sure are the cat’s pajamas! But you better get a wiggle on, or you’ll miss your date at the sock-hop with Vern! He sure is the bee’s knees!” The sixties was a magical time for slang. When else could teens pay for a new car with “bread”? Hopefully the damage won’t be too bad, or else you won’t be able to go “catch some rays” with the girls, “slug down some antifreeze,” and check out the new guy. I hear he’s got great “buns.” Being physically sick (not as in, “Oh, that’s so sick,” but more like, “Gimme a bucket and hold my hair, I’m gonna be sick”) took on an entire new meaning depending on when you were born. In the forties, you’d chuck up. In the fifties, you’d barf. In the sixties, you’d upchuck. And (my personal favorite) in the seventies, you’d bork up your lunch. Pleasant, no? And where are we now, in regards to slang? At Carlmont, at least, most of our slang consists of two key items: text slang and Bay slang. Text slang is a more recently developed form of slang. Originally becoming popular while texting (in order to save time and space), it is now becoming prevalent in day-to-day life. For example, instead of telling your friends, “Oh my god! You guys have matching sweaters! That’s totally adorable!”, you can now tell them, “OMG! You guys are matchers! Totes adorbs!” By making those changes, you just saved yourself twelve syllables. Just think about how much your BFFs will appreciate it. Finally, we come to Bay slang. This area of slang seems to have no definition except slang that seems to be directly synonymous with the Bay Area. Walking around any area on campus, you are sure to hear any of the following words: “Hella,” “swag,” “swole,” or even “chillax.” These words have gotten so widespread, there’s even a Wikipedia page called “California Slang.” Don’t believe me? Look it up. God only knows where slang will progress to next. Considering the fact that seventies slang like “peace” and “man” is slowly making a comeback, maybe our slang will progress backwards. Imagine: years from now, you’re sitting with your family and in a flash of nostalgia, you describe something as being “hella sick.” Your kids proceed to look at you and say, “Gee wiz! Could you be any more of a square?”
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